Small Change

excerpt

a sweet humming whisper and my fingers closed around the aluminium body shutting off the little air holes that made it sing. I stuffed it into my shirt pocket and my fingers brushed against the last Spud menthol I’d forgotten to smoke that afternoon after baseball. I pulled it out and straightened it carefully into a limp tube that dribbled dry tobacco from its open end. Scary stuff, lighting up in front of your own house, but what the hell. My scalp came alive with little electric maggots, wriggling. I found some matches in my pants. The end of the Spud flared and settled into a hot core that let sparks off in the breeze when I sucked on the cork tip. I put one foot up behind me against the fence, and the movie came on in my head. My eyes narrowed; my ears sifted the sounds of the city for clues.
Then suddenly they were there, the big boys.
Joey comes up to me, all excited and talking like he wants everybody on the block to hear.
“’ey, Georgie, Pasquale wants you to go to D’Amato’s an get im four cansa Ballantine ale.”
He presses a damp, crumpled bill into my palm and says it again.
“Your nonno, ‘ey, he wants you to get ‘im four Ballantine’s.”
He winks at me, and gives me an elbow. He laughs. His eyes are heavy lidded and his face is damp with sweat. He’s been talking loudly at me so the neighbours can hear, and now he makes a face that says to his buddies, it’s cool, don’t sweat it. I remember that look from dozens of Saturday matinees. I feel the damp currency in my hand. I know there’s something wrong with all this, but I can’t figure it out. Then he bends close to my ear and tells me to meet them in the park.
Sometimes Nonno Pasquale would come and stay with us. On a shelf in the pantry he kept this little tin pail with a lid he’d give me to go and get beer in. The guy behind the bar at D’Amato’s, Gioffo, an old guy, but not as old as Pasquale, always thought I was worth a smile, this little kid with a beer pail, and he knew my nonno from years ago, so he’d wink at me and fill it up and give me a Sarsparilla on the house, and I’d run back home so the foamy draft wouldn’t get warm in the sun, and my grandfather would laugh and give me a nickel, and pinch my cheek and tell my mother what a prize she had for a son.
But I never saw him drink from a beer can, ever. Or even a bottle. Still, it was tonight, and they were having a party in there, and what did I know. So I marched importantly into D’Amato’s Bar & Grill.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1926763157

Constantine Cavafy – Poems

Dangerous Things
Said Myrtias (a Syrian student
in Alexandria, during the reign
of Augustus Constans and Augustus Constantios,
partly pagan, partly Christian);
“Strengthened by theory and by study
I shall not fear my passions like a coward.
I shall give my body to carnal delights,
to the pleasures we dream about,
to the most daring erotic desires,
to the lascivious urges of my blood, without
any fear, because, whenever I choose,
and have the will, strengthened
as I shall be by theory and by study—
at the critical moment I shall find
my spirit, as it was before, ascetic.”

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1723961833

Opera Bufa

Eighteenth Hour
I halt my straddle before yellow
emotion opposite a well-preserved
church echoing with blessings
and phony wishes for everlasting peace
and lifting the veil of opulent
kisses blowing like dynamite
Eros is transformed to stigma
degraded by arrogance of
critics stalled in error time
literate fanatics the dream bled to
phlegmatic negligence
puffy cloud none looks at
below masses graced by folly
endless self-love in spite of solid advice
from erudite Death who
has seen the evidence
yet the belligerent mind
guides its faithful to the steps
of immortality as all others
just die pointless deaths
observing an opera bufa
as every breath drawn hangs
like a half-open eyelid observing benevolent acts
exulting bigotry promoting
the sin-turned-blessing scaffold dropping
noosed heretics through the hole
like monotonous drips
from the gutter after rain
every virulent thought done up
to splendorous diction
and meditating olive branches
ask ‘why?’ as the percuss of breaking spines
spits emphatically:
who cares?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1926763092