Excerpt
Necrophilia
…“I’m going out. I’ll be back in two hours. I don’t want to find you
here when I get back,” she said in a stern voice and left.
He sank into his armchair in a world that had collapsed around
him. His wife didn’t want to see him again. Where could he go? His
life was a big question mark. His life was so arranged and well set up
until this morning. His life of order and security has suddenly become
chaos and disarray, a gigantic open mouth ready to swallow him. His
orderly life has turned into a disorderly one. How could he live now?
How could he face his co-workers on Monday? Could he talk to someone?
Did he have anyone to talk to?
A quick thought flashed through his mind, and he felt shivers
travelling through his whole body. He walked upstairs to their bedroom.
Everything seemed to be in place. Then why does his life feel
upside down? He stepped into the closet. His clothes hung orderly in
it. On the top shelf, he groped for the box. He took it down. Went to
the bathroom. He placed the box on the counter. He opened the box:
he looked at his service revolver. He hadn’t cleaned it in a while. Like
a zombie, he loaded his pistol with ammunition. He stared at himself
in the mirror. The code. Yes, he remembered the code they all followed,
their protocol. That dark thought ran through his mind again, and this
time it didn’t make him shiver at all. He felt peaceful. He felt better. The
code was what he had followed all his life. A code, a protocol, the secure
way of a CIA agent. It’s the same code he had to follow to the bitter end.
When everything goes into disarray, and everything becomes nothing
but chaos, the code must come into place. Tears flowed down his cheeks
as he stared at his face and then faced the pistol in his hand. Suddenly,
a euphoric sense of well-being overtook him as if someone was protecting
him. He felt strong, good, and comfortable. Heroic. He smiled at
himself. He winked at himself. What would she think when she found
him? Would she cry? Would she laugh at him exiting this way? His
eyes filled with tears, and somehow, he felt an inexplicable warmth,
as if in a different state of mind, in that dimension that various books
described. He put the barrel of the pistol in his mouth and, following
the example of so many others before him, Bradley pulled the trigger.
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